“Feeling Felt”
In the movie “Shrek,” Lord Farquaad justifies his unkind comments about the ogre by saying, “It’s not as if it has feelings.” This line emphasizes that what makes us truly human is our ability to experience feelings, as well as being able to empathize with another’s feelings.
Therapists are stereotyped as always asking, “What are you feeling?” This is not insignificant, as feelings serve as a barometer or clue to evaluating what we are experiencing, enabling us to then decide what action to take in response. Neuroscientist, Dan Siegel, sums it up with the phrase, “Name it to tame it.”
Identifying feelings takes practice, whether for ourselves or others. When we help others “name it,” they “feel felt” which builds understanding, empathy and connection. This YouTube video makes the point with a bit of humor.
Challenge: Use this sentence frame to validate someone else’s feeling: “You felt (sad) that (you didn’t get to play with your friend).” - or – “You feel (excited) that (you are now able to drive).” What is the person’s reaction?