Hints from Hummingbirds

My family and I have had the pleasure and sense of wonder over the last several weeks of watching the growth and launching of two baby hummingbirds in a nest outside our window.  At first, we could only see two tiny beaks peeking over the top of the small nest, then watched as they grew to the point of barely fitting in it.  From hatching to launching took about three weeks, and the two were on their own in the nest the entire time with the mother returning every so often to feed them.  The birds were left to develop on their own.
 
While growing, the birds would peck at the nest and each other to strengthen their neck muscles, and would also stick their thin tongues in and out to practice drinking nectar.  As they got bigger, they would quiver their bodies and sometimes try to open their wings.   On their last day with us, we noticed one bird being quite active, standing tall, craning its neck, quickly fluttering its wings, then resting.  The other bird stayed low and barely moved in the nest during this, giving its sibling the opportunity and space to complete its development.  When we checked the nest about 30 min. later, only one bird was there.
 
Since we missed the first bird’s launching, I decided to see how long it would take before the other took flight.  What happened next was quite fascinating.  The bird continued practicing its survival behaviors over the course of about two hours, with the mother returning several times to feed it and model the behaviors for it.  The baby would drink, rest, then become more active, just like the first bird.  The final time the mother returned, the baby refused to drink.  The mother pecked at it and left.  Within minutes, it stood tall and fluttered its wings, hovering briefly over the nest before finally flying off.
 
I was struck by the lessons the mother bird provided for human parenting/teaching.  In addition to adults providing safety, nourishment, and modeling, children need freedom, autonomy and trust to independently practice survival skills on their own.  We can read their cues and step in only as needed.  We can recognize that each child develops in their own time and in their own space, and that cooperation from those around them enables this to occur.  We can have confidence that they will grow up, even if it’s not at a pace we might want.   We can recognize that our job is to ‘do ourselves out of a job,’ and take pride in their launching.
 
Challenge:   What are some ways you can give your child/student greater independence and autonomy to determine and practice their own growth and development?  Allow for mistakes and turn them into opportunities for learning.
 
 
Lois Ingber, LCSW, CPDLT
Behavioral Counselor
lingber@myelement.org