Terrific Teens

Written By Lois Ingber

There exists a stereotype of toddlers referred to as the ‘Terrible Two’s.  The increased abilities and autonomy characteristic of that age present parents/teachers with the challenge of finding a balance between allowing for exploration and discovery while keeping them and others safe.  It is also a time of testing which can result in power struggles that feel ‘terrible’ for both adult and child.

Does any of this sound familiar when it comes to parenting/leading teens? Parenting/leading is never easy no matter the age of the child/youth, however when we recognize that all children want and need to feel empowered, encouraged, connected, respected and safe, we can act in ways that invite these feelings.  With tools that are kind (respecting them) and firm (respecting ourselves, others and the situation), ‘terrible’ can be turned into ‘terrific.’

Adolescence is a time of discovering ‘who I am separate from my parents.’  The push/pull of the process can be described using the metaphor of moving from pilot to co-pilot.  If we recognize that our job is to do ourselves out of a job, ‘doing together with’ teens can result in connection, empowerment, encouragement and mutual respect as they navigate to adulthood.

Neuroscientist Dan Siegel, M.D. describes changes in the brain that occur during adolescence that affect relationships, contribution and well-being (4 min.): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O1u5OEc5eY

Other resources:

Challenge:   Getting curious and listening, asking vs. telling, inviting their opinion, respecting privacy, and making agreements together are some ways to empower and encourage.  Which of these could you practice more with your teen/student?

Lois Ingber, LCSW, CPDLT

Behavioral Counselor

lingber@myelement.org

Lois Ingber

LOIS INGBER, Behavioral Counselor, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Positive Discipline Lead Trainer.  Lois holds a Bachelor Degree in Sociology from UCLA and a Masters in Social Work degree from SDSU where her focus area was Children, Youth, and Families.  Lois has worked in social service, private practice, hospital, clinic, and school settings, most recently for seventeen years at Rady Children’s Outpatient Psychiatry providing school-based counseling services.  Lois was a Community Montessori and Dehesa parent prior to joining the staff in 2016 and brings this perspective to her role.   Lois is responsible for providing education, collaboration, and support implementing the Positive Discipline model and social/emotional competencies in the Learning Center and home learning environments, in line with Element’s philosophy of self-directed learning and the development of mastery, autonomy, and purpose for students and the adults who serve as their guides.

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